Return to the Light of Living
by A.L. Steen
Summary: A vast room full of hushed voices smacked the Doctor in the face. His hearts beat wildly at the site of a place he had hoped never to return to. Not even in a thousand years. The Library.
1. Actualizing

The doctor's scowl was deeper than usual, which, in this particular regeneration was saying a lot. He was not happy that the TARDIS was keeping the current location a secret from him. Navigation was down, and no amount of smacking the screen, or shaking his fist at the console was going to change it.

Something felt different. He was incredibly apprehensive about what lay beyond those double doors. His feet had somehow turned to lead. The Doctor did not want to face this mystery. Of course, in the end, it was the mystery of why he didn't want to face the mystery that got his feet moving. His long fingers touched the cold handle of the door. A shiver ran through his thin frame. He threw the doors open and stepped into the unknown.

A vast room full of hushed voices smacked the Doctor in the face. His hearts beat wildly at the site of a place he had hoped never to return to. Not even in a thousand years. The Library.

A thousand years had done the place wonders. Minus the Vashta Nerada, it was once again a thriving and functional institution. At least, that was how most people now saw it. For the Doctor, it was and always would be, a tomb.

Her tomb.

River Song. The centuries apart had softened his grief, for the most part, but this place was dredging up all of the old guilt, sorrow and anger he had tried so hard to shove down into the depths of his being. His wife was a wild and adventurous memory.

The Doctor was about to turn on his heels and walk back into the TARDIS. She'd certainly get a piece of his mind. Not that it would do either of them much good. It never did.

"Salutations fellow readers," a disembodied voice echoed across the hall, "Today is a great day."

The Doctor clasped his hands behind his back and spun toward the TARDIS. This was most certainly not a great day, not for one ancient old man and his immense plague of remembrances.

The announcement continued behind him. "The Head Librarian is pleased to welcome you to the event of the century. This is the day that we contact the Library's savor and ask if she would like to step back into the light of living. On this day, once every one hundred years, we invite her to be actualized again. It has always been her choice. Perhaps this day, with some enthusiastic encouragement from all of you, Professor River Song will return to us!"

The Doctor missed a step. His hand slapped the blue box, stinging the flesh of his palm and saving him from a further tumble. He froze there a moment with his eyes squeezed shut, trying to will himself to start breathing again. The rest of the Library erupted in a cheer that was no doubt only allowed once a century.

The Doctor's mind went reeling back in time.

The Vashta Nerada, 4,022 people saved, Charlotte. A blinding white light, and Donna.

Donna Noble. She had told him everything about her experience within CAL's hard drive, hadn't she? Of course she had, her mouth rarely stopped moving. Donna told him about the man, and her children, and the woman in black.

Miss Evangelista.

Miss Evangelista had told Donna something. Something very important. Something very important that the Doctor was missing. What was it? Something about... Actualizing.

The Doctor's eyes popped open with realization. Behind him, at the Library's main desk, the process of contacting River was already starting.

Donna's voice echoed in his mind as she repeated the words that Miss Evangelista had spoken to her in the virtual reality park.

_"__Your physical self is stored in the Library as an energy signature. It can be actualized again whenever you, or the Library requires."_

He staggered back against the TARDIS as the full force of his realization hit him like a solar wind storm. He buried his hands in his face, ashamed that it had taken him so long to figure it all out. So much pain and sorrow could have been avoided if he hadn't blocked all of this precious information. What kind of monster was he, that he could so easily let the woman he had made his wife live as a stream of data on the biggest hard drive in the universe for so long?

Or course, they had said that she was given a choice every one hundred years to come back. Every time she had refused. Why, he wondered. They had said their goodbye's at Trenzalor. Perhaps she was finally done with him. Perhaps she was happy right where she was at.

His knees were about to buckle beneath him when the disembodied voice spoke again over the intercom system.

"And there she is! Please join all of us here at the Library in welcoming Professor River Song!" A rumble of applause sent a vibration through the floor.

The Doctor dared to sneak a peak from between his fingers. Above the main desk, on a large projected computer screen, was the beautiful face of River Song. His River. Amazing hair and all. She smiled at the group before her. The Doctor tried to force moisture back into his mouth. His hands fell away from his face and he stood up straight. His feet seemed to move of their own free will. He shuffled through the crowd, toward the main desk. His eyes never left the image of his wife.

"Hello," River greeted the crowd. Her voice, that smooth, sexy, deep voice still sent shivers through the old Time Lord.

"Professor Song," the Head Librarian said, stepping up to the desk. "It is that time again."

"Is it," River asked with a warm smile. It may have appeared warm to everyone else, but the Doctor saw something else there. After all this time, he could still tell when River was holding something back. "Time is so different here," she added.

"Will you allow us to download you back into the flesh," the Head Librarian asked.

River looked around the room.

"Thank you all for coming today. I appreciate your support. However," she said, "I'm in the middle of a project here that requires my immediate attention. Teenagers, you know? Quite the work they are, and I've been blessed with three of them." She laughed at her little joke and so did everyone else in the room.

"So then, you are happy in your world, Professor?"

River paused as she looked down at all the faces before her.

"Yes," she said simply.

Lie number two, the Doctor thought to himself. He was standing a few people back from the main desk now. Why was she lying? What was she up to in there, he wondered.

"Thank you for your time, Professor," the Head Librarian said sincerely. "Shall we contact you in the future?"

"Please do, I so enjoying seeing all of your lovely face-" River stopped before finishing her thought. She was staring down, directly at the Doctor. Everyone fell silent. The people standing near the Time Lord, followed River's eye line and stepped away from him, creating a space. He stood alone under her scowling gaze.

"You," she whispered. He looked up at her, holding her stare. Absolutely unable to look away.

"And what kind of time do you call this," she asked suddenly. Her face softened and the corners of her mouth turned up in a smirk. The Doctor couldn't help his own lips forming an embarrassed smile. Everyone was staring at him. He held up his hand and made a tiny space between his index finger and his thumb.

"Just a wee bit late, as usual, dear."

A short time later, the Doctor and his Professor River Song stood across a small expanse, and smiled at one another as she materialized back into the world.

Now, perhaps, he could find out what she had been so worried about within CAL's hard drive. Teenagers, it most certainly was not.


	2. The Heart of the Matter

The Doctor's sonic screwdriver was the first sound that filled River's ears as CAL finished stacking her DNA in the correct order. She prayed that everything was all right, even as she knew that it really wasn't.

As usual, the Doctor didn't skip a beat. River watched him with a mix of awe and impatience. She did like his new face though. It just seemed right on him. River's curls bounced merrily as she shook her head and grinned at the man circling her, taking readings with the sonic.

"What," he asked in passing, glancing into her eyes, but never stopping.

"Only you could break the rules of Time Lord genetics and win yourself a new regeneration cycle."

River caught the smallest of smiles turning up the corners of his thin lips as he circled her again. There was a twinkle in his green eyes as well. She had no idea how long it had been for him, but because of how time moved in virtual reality, River felt like very little had passed at all between them.

The Library crowd of onlookers were keeping a respectful distance, sensing that River and The Doctor did not want any intrusions into their reunion.

River was suddenly light headed. She caught the dark blue cloth of the Doctor's coat sleeve. He jerked to a stop and his intensely scowling face came in line with hers, softening only a little when he saw the look on River's.

"You're making me dizzy, sweetie," she said and her eyelids drooped. Perhaps she was exhausted from the materialization?

The Doctor's warm fingers, suddenly encircling the wrist on her right hand, made her eyes come open again. He was taking her pulse.

"Question: What exactly were you up to in there, River," the Doctor asked in a quiet tone. River wasn't sure if it was her quickly deteriorating health, or the the way he rolled the 'R' in her name that made shivers run across her flesh.

"Answer: I suspect that CAL is infected."

River wasn't sure how he accomplished it, but the Doctor managed to look even more stern. His maniacal eyebrows lowered and his eyes bore into her. She did not flinch away from him.

"Am I to understand, that you allowed a possibly faulty computer to put all the pieces of you, back together?"

"It wasn't what I originally had in mind," River said.

"No, no, no, no, no," The Doctor said and wagged his long index finger back and forth in front of her face, "This is not my fault." He stepped away from her, physically agitated.

"I didn't say that it was," River replied softly.

The Doctor spun on the heels of his shiny black Doc Martens and charged back at her like a knight jousting. His pointed finger stopped inches from her nose.

"You implied it," he growled. The Doctor was really, truly angry and River immediately recognized it as a cover for his fear. "You used seeing me as reason to make an irrational decision to come back to life!"

"Yes."

The Doctor flinched. He dropped the accusing finger to his side. He had not expected her to give in that easily.

Small beads of sweat had popped out across River's forehead. She was having a harder time pulling breath into her lungs. The pain in her chest was becoming too much for her to hide from the Doctor.

"River," he said, "you're not well." His fingers touched her elbow as he came closer once again.

"I believe that it is a bit more serious than that, my love," she whispered, short of breath. Her hand involuntarily came up to touch where the pain was radiating in her chest.

"Shut up," he replied. His voice was becoming thicker with emotion. He turned his back on her. River hadn't moved the entire time. She was afraid to trust her legs after being disembodied for so long. Besides, the Doctor was doing enough pacing for the both of them.

"You soniced me, Doctor. What were your findings?"

Without turning around, the Doctor held the sonic screwdriver up. He closed his eyes a moment in frustration. He smacked the sonic against the palm of his other hand and opened his eyes again.

"It needs calibrating," he lied, "or replacing. Or thrown into the vortex!"

"That bad..."

The Doctor's hands were flailing about as he paced back to her, speaking quickly.

"What kind of infection?"

"I don't know."

"Well, what about the moon, the moon," he stammered, "Doctor Moon? Wasn't that supposed to be the, the, the, firewall? The virus checker, or something. What happened to that?"

"Doctor Moon's disappearance was the reason I started looking into it," River explained. She was sweating more now and was quite pale. "Doctor," she managed, "I don't think I can't stand up any longer." The words had barely left her lips when River swooned. The Doctor's long, strong arms were around her immediately, holding her close to his chest.

"One of my hearts are failing. If I am to die today, Doctor," she said into the side of his neck, "may I be granted one favor?"

Tears threatened the rebel Time Lord's eyes. He spoke through clenched teeth.

"One, shut up. You're not going anywhere. And two," he swallowed hard before answering, "Anything."

River pulled away enough to look up at him. Their eyes met.

"Take me home," she said simply.


	3. Home

The Doctor carried River to the second level of the TARDIS console room. The old girl welcomed her child home with a soothing hum. The atmosphere seemed to shift, making it a little easier for River to breath. She would forever be grateful.

The Doctor placed his wife down gently on a burgundy leather lounge near one of the big chalkboards. From there, she could see the whole of the room. Her eyes took in the new look. Just like the new face on the old man, she liked it.

The air smelled of leather, chalk and time. Surrounded by ancient books of all kinds, it was the perfect environment for solving the mysteries of the universe - Except this mystery. She feared he would be too late to solve this particular one.

He was pacing again. Back and forth in front of the large chalkboard. A mix of symbols, both of Earth and of Galifrey covered the dusty black surface. He'd gone old school again, and it was good. He had apparently needed to be reminded of his great age and the wisdom that comes with it. His time with a fresh face had been fun, (especially for her), but forgetting had cost him greatly. River was happy for him. Perhaps now he would be able to settle within himself and see what others saw in him.

Or not, she thought with an internal smile. He was, after all, the most stubborn man in the universe.

"Did something out of the ordinary happen preceding the Doctor Moon's disappearance," he asked without missing a step.

River took in as much air as her constricted lungs could manage. She had to close her eyes against the pain before answering.

"Glitches in the virtual world started appearing," she explained quietly. Too quietly apparently because she suddenly felt the Doctor's presence next to her as he knelt beside the lounge to listen. "Like a doorway where the grid was visible," River continued.

"Doorways," he mused.

"As if someone was letting themselves in," River said.

"Or some_thing_... But why," the Doctor whispered.

River's right heart suddenly seized. She cried out and arched her back as the extreme pain filled her chest. The Doctor placed his hands on her shoulders, holding her down as he bowed his head to put his ear to her chest. The right heart had stopped beating completely.

"River!"

She was in a cloud of agony and his voice was very far away.

"Professor River Song, open you eyes," he shouted.

"I can't," she cried.

"You can, and you will. Look at me, River!"

Her eyes flew open and she was looking into the depths of the Time Lord's soul. He was in agony and completely terrified. He was also angry and focused. A dangerous combination, indeed. There was no telling what lengths he would go to when he was in that mood.

Their faces were inches apart. She could feel his warm breath on her face as he spoke. River was trying very hard to memorize every detail about her husband. Dying was making it quite a chore.

"You. Will. Not. Die," he ordered, "not now. Not ever, if I have anything to do with it."

River actually smiled.

"Please, Doctor, don't make this any harder than it is. The other heart will fail soon," she begged him. "There's nothing you can do."

"There is always something _I _can do."

"You're right," River replied, "give us a kiss goodbye, my love."

She reached up and touched his face softly. The lines there were deep with worry. She slid here hand into his wonderful gray curls, just above his ear. This was going to be so very hard for him. River only wished she could ease his sorrow. Her left heart took up an irregular beat as it too began to deteriorate. River's hand shook with the pain of it.

"Please, Doctor, please. I'm afraid."

An agonized cry slipped passed the Doctor's lips and he immediately closed the gap between their two mouths. He kissed River deeply, trying hard to pour his soul into hers, to give her his strength, his love. She sagged away from him and their lips parted. When he looked down, to his surprise, her mouth was glowing with regenerative energy. His desperation and sadness must have triggered the healing energy to release. Suddenly, he knew exactly what he could do to save River.

Both of her hearts had stopped now. CAL's infection had caused the computer to assembled the hearts incorrectly. The Doctor knew what must be done. He put his right palm down on River's breathless chest. With tears in his eyes, he looked down at the TARDIS console.

"I may need a little help, old girl," he said and suddenly bent down to capture River's lifeless lips again. He relaxed into the kiss and allowed the golden light of regeneration to flow from him. His right hand sent the healing energy straight into her hearts. Needing more to restart the organs, his left hand shot out toward the soul of his amazing blue box.

The TARDIS suddenly jumped into action. She whirred and purred and slipped into the time vortex. A stream of energy flew from the console, making a powerful connection with her thief's outstretched hand. That energy combined with the Doctor's own, and flowed into River.

He had no idea if he was using up his brand new regeneration cycle, he didn't care. All that mattered was that River's hearts start beating again. It was the only desire in his world at that moment.

River suddenly gasped into his open mouth. He breathed back, filling her lungs and sharing his air. After all of the centuries, the memories, the adventures and the most intimate of moments that they had experienced, this one event held the Time Lord and his Lady closer together than they had ever been before.

It wasn't until the Doctor felt River's fingers fist the curls at the base of his skull, causing gooseflesh to flush across his skin, all the way down to his toes, that he knew it was done.

The Doctor's connection to the TARDIS abruptly fell away. His connection to River did not. Her other hand held the lapels of his coat firmly within her strong grip. She was warm again and kissing him with a fierceness that made his body burn. The Doctor wrapped his arms around his wife, lifting her up until they were pressed firmly together in an intense embrace. He lost himself in her energizing touch. The pounding of her twin heart beats, pumping anew, filled his ears.

His soul was complete, his universe was in order, and the rebel Time Lord had never felt more alive.


End file.
